Have you ever been to a restaurant and the waitress or waiter took your order and you gave them very specific requests for your order, but when they bring it out, it is not correct? Sometimes you can tell they were not listening to what you said. Very frustrating when you can tell they were not listening to you and you have a wrong order.

This example takes place every day, many times. People really don’t listen.

In a world where conversations happen at lightning speed—text messages, social media, emails, and meetings—are we truly listening? More often than not, people listen with the intent to respond rather than to understand. But real listening is an art and a skill that can transform relationships, leadership, and personal growth.

Being a good listener is key for your success in your career, your business, and your life.

Let’s break down the five common types of listeners. Which one are you?

1. The Surface Listener

This type of listener hears words but doesn’t truly process them. They may nod and say “uh-huh,” but their mind is elsewhere. They might be distracted by their phone, thinking about what’s for dinner, or simply not interested. Surface listening often leads to miscommunication and frustration in relationships.

How to Improve: Practice being fully present. Put distractions away, make eye contact, and focus on the speaker’s words and emotions.

2. The Defensive Listener

Defensive listeners interpret what’s being said as a personal attack. Instead of understanding the message, they react emotionally and feel the need to defend themselves. This type of listening creates unnecessary conflict and prevents constructive communication.

How to Improve: Before reacting, take a breath and ask yourself, “Is this really about me?” Try to separate emotion from the message and seek clarification before assuming intent.

3. The Fix-It Listener

Have you ever talked to someone about a problem, and before you even finish, they’re offering solutions? That’s the Fix-It Listener. While their intentions are good, they often fail to acknowledge emotions, which can leave the speaker feeling unheard or dismissed.

How to Improve: Sometimes people don’t need a solution; they just need to be heard. Ask, “Would you like advice, or do you just need to vent?” before jumping in to fix the problem.

4. The Selective Listener

Selective listeners hear what they want to hear. They may tune out the parts they don’t agree with or only focus on what benefits them. This can lead to misunderstandings and even manipulation in communication.

How to Improve: Challenge yourself to listen to the entire message, even the parts that may be uncomfortable. Reflect back on what you heard to ensure understanding.

5. The Active Listener

This is the gold standard of listening. Active listeners give their full attention, acknowledge the speaker’s emotions, and respond thoughtfully. They use body language, paraphrasing, and clarifying questions to ensure they truly understand the message.

How to Improve: Engage in conversations with curiosity. Show that you are listening by nodding, maintaining eye contact, and summarizing what you’ve heard. Ask questions that deepen the discussion.

Which One Are You?

Think about your most recent conversation. Did you truly listen, or were you just waiting for your turn to talk? Becoming an active listener takes practice, but it can lead to stronger relationships, better leadership, and more meaningful connections.

So, the next time someone speaks to you, ask yourself—are you really listening?